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Useful Resources

This page brings together the It's My Family ARRF Framework and 5 Pillars of Communication, practical tools developed and used by It's My Family to help protective parents identify, document, and communicate concerns about the safety and well-being of their children. These frameworks are designed to support parents in presenting information clearly and consistently, in a way that is more easily understood by professionals involved in family court proceedings.

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The page also provides access to reports, academic research, policy reviews, and practice insights on how family courts respond to domestic abuse and where improvements may be needed. Whether you are a legal professional, advocate, researcher, or someone with lived experience, you will find up-to-date evidence, key publications, and resources that deepen your understanding of the challenges faced by protective parents and children within the family justice system.

 

Our aim is to encourage informed discussion, support positive change, and promote approaches that help ensure the family justice system responds effectively to the needs of victims and children, with their safety and wellbeing at the forefront.

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The ARRF Framework

Acountable

Does the coparent take responsibility for their actions and imact on the child

Responsible

Does the parent consistently meet the child's emotional, practical and developmenal needs

Reasonable

Is there behaviour proportionate, child centred, and aligned with the child's needs

Flexible

Can the parent adapt to the child's needs, routines and circumstances
 

5 Pillars of Communication for Protective Parents

The Five Pillars of Communication is a supportive framework used by It's My Family to help protective parents communicate calmly, clearly, and confidently in challenging situations.

 It focuses on building emotional resilience, maintaining emotional stability, setting healthy boundaries, safeguarding children, and developing effective communication skills.

 This framework supports parents to feel empowered, heard, and supported while keeping children’s safety and wellbeing at the centre of all child arrangement processes

1. Emotional Regulation

  1. Recognising emotional triggers that arise during hostile or manipulative communication​

  2. Pausing to regulate emotions before responding to messages or conversations​

  3. Using calming techniques (breathing, grounding, stepping away) to prevent escalation​

  4. Maintaining emotional control to keep communication safe, brief, and child-focused

4. Self Validation & Personal Growth

  1. Validating your own experiences rather than seeking acknowledgement from others​

  2. Trusting your parenting decisions and lived reality​

  3. Letting go of the need to be understood or agreed with by the other parent​

  4. Using each interaction as an opportunity to strengthen confidence and emotional growth

5. Core Support Circle

  1. Leaning on the right support - friends, family, or support groups for perspective​

  2. Processing difficult interactions outside of co-parent​

  3. Receiving affirmation and grounding from people who understand post serperation abusive​

  4. Reducing isolation by maintaining strong, supportive connections

Geometric Phone Case

2. Emotional Resilience

  1. Withstanding criticism, blame, or intimidation without reacting or internalising it​

  2. Remaining emotionally steady despite repeated patterns of abuse or provocation​

  3. Detaching from attempts to control, guilt, or shame through communication​

  4. Recovering emotionally after difficult interactions and refocusing on wellbeing

3. Communication Techniques

  1. Keeping communication concise, factual, and limited to child-related matters​

  2. Avoiding emotional explanations, over-justifications, or defensive responses​

  3. Using neutral, non-reactive language to reduce opportunities for conflict​

  4. Setting and maintaining clear boundaries around communication methods and tone

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