Useful Resources
This page brings together the It's My Family ARRF Framework and 5 Pillars of Communication, practical tools developed and used by It's My Family to help protective parents identify, document, and communicate concerns about the safety and well-being of their children. These frameworks are designed to support parents in presenting information clearly and consistently, in a way that is more easily understood by professionals involved in family court proceedings.
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The page also provides access to reports, academic research, policy reviews, and practice insights on how family courts respond to domestic abuse and where improvements may be needed. Whether you are a legal professional, advocate, researcher, or someone with lived experience, you will find up-to-date evidence, key publications, and resources that deepen your understanding of the challenges faced by protective parents and children within the family justice system.
Our aim is to encourage informed discussion, support positive change, and promote approaches that help ensure the family justice system responds effectively to the needs of victims and children, with their safety and wellbeing at the forefront.
The ARRF Framework
Acountable
Does the coparent take responsibility for their actions and imact on the child
Responsible
Does the parent consistently meet the child's emotional, practical and developmenal needs
Reasonable
Is there behaviour proportionate, child centred, and aligned with the child's needs
Flexible
Can the parent adapt to the child's needs, routines and circumstances
5 Pillars of Communication for Protective Parents
The Five Pillars of Communication is a supportive framework used by It's My Family to help protective parents communicate calmly, clearly, and confidently in challenging situations.
It focuses on building emotional resilience, maintaining emotional stability, setting healthy boundaries, safeguarding children, and developing effective communication skills.
This framework supports parents to feel empowered, heard, and supported while keeping children’s safety and wellbeing at the centre of all child arrangement processes
1. Emotional Regulation
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Recognising emotional triggers that arise during hostile or manipulative communication​
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Pausing to regulate emotions before responding to messages or conversations​
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Using calming techniques (breathing, grounding, stepping away) to prevent escalation​
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Maintaining emotional control to keep communication safe, brief, and child-focused
4. Self Validation & Personal Growth
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Validating your own experiences rather than seeking acknowledgement from others​
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Trusting your parenting decisions and lived reality​
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Letting go of the need to be understood or agreed with by the other parent​
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Using each interaction as an opportunity to strengthen confidence and emotional growth
5. Core Support Circle
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Leaning on the right support - friends, family, or support groups for perspective​
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Processing difficult interactions outside of co-parent​
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Receiving affirmation and grounding from people who understand post serperation abusive​
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Reducing isolation by maintaining strong, supportive connections
2. Emotional Resilience
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Withstanding criticism, blame, or intimidation without reacting or internalising it​
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Remaining emotionally steady despite repeated patterns of abuse or provocation​
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Detaching from attempts to control, guilt, or shame through communication​
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Recovering emotionally after difficult interactions and refocusing on wellbeing
3. Communication Techniques
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Keeping communication concise, factual, and limited to child-related matters​
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Avoiding emotional explanations, over-justifications, or defensive responses​
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Using neutral, non-reactive language to reduce opportunities for conflict​
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Setting and maintaining clear boundaries around communication methods and tone
Reports, Policy and Research
Everyday Business Report
The report aims to highlight how domestic abuse — particularly coercive and controlling behaviour — is frequently minimised, misunderstood, or dismissed in family court child arrangement proceedings. It calls for systemic change to ensure that patterns of abuse are properly recognised, survivors are protected, and children’s safety is prioritised in all court decisions.
Everyday-Business-full-report-web.pdf
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Assessing Risk of Harm to Children and parents in Private Law Children Cases
In June 2020, the Ministry of Justice conducted a comprehensive review of Private Law Children proceedings, known as the Harm Report, to assess risks of harm to children and parents. The findings revealed inadequate support for parents, a widespread disregard for domestic abuse, and a lack of meaningful involvement of children in proceedings — highlighting the urgent need for systemic change.
Assessing Risk of Harm to Children and Parents in Private Law Children Cases
CAFCASS Domestic Abuse Practice Policy
In January 2025, Cafcass published an updated Domestic Abuse Practice Policy. The policy provides comprehensive guidance to ensure that child and adult victims of domestic abuse are effectively protected in all Cafcass assessments and advice to the courts. It sets out 42 mandatory practice points organised into six key sections:
Overall, the updated policy reinforces the importance of consistent, evidence-based, trauma-informed, and culturally sensitive practice to safeguard children and support victims within family court proceedings.
Coercive Control: Harms to Children
This research redefines how we understand the impact of domestic abuse on children. Moving beyond a focus on physical violence, it examines how coercive control—a pattern of domination and entrapment—shapes every aspect of life for both children and their mothers.
Viewing them as co-victims and co-survivors, the study reveals how coercive control confines families in a shared “cage of control,” and explores their journeys toward freedom, recovery, and rebuilding relationships grounded in respect, mutual support, and autonomy.
