The Family Court: My Judge and Jury

Many protective parents enter the family court with the belief that justice will be served.  You provide strong evidence of emotional abuse, and for some, physical.  You have police or social work reports that support your concerns about your ex’s ability to provide emotional safety.  But because you love your child, because you want them to know their parent, you present to the court a contact arrangement that, in light of the concerns, still creates a window for the ex to have access.  Your only request is for the court to agree on a protective shield to keep your child safe.

Your pain and suffering at the hands of your ex is splayed all over a positioning statement. You hold your breath; you’ve actually been holding it for months, maybe years.  Finally, the court reaches a decision, and to your disbelief and horror, although coercion and control or other forms of domestic abuse have been recognised, it is dismissed because you are no longer a couple.  The child is considered to be safe. 

You walk out of the courtroom shocked, deflated, invalidated, but worst of all, terrified for your child.  A system sold to protect has failed to keep your child safe and recognise the impact of emotional abuse.  You’re powerless with no option but to abide by a court order that, with each passing day, enables your ex to strip your child of their self-esteem, confidence and emotional resilience. Now, your role as a parent, after each contact with the ex, is to pick up the pieces and mend a child who is slipping away. A child who only feels safe in your care and displays this through emotional outbursts and dysregulated behaviour. Behaviour you are expected to manage, while ignoring its source.